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Anger Management: Teaching Children How to Deal with Their Anger

Teaching children how to deal with their anger is hard because you don't know when your child will get angry again. Use the time between angry outbursts to discuss and practice how to deal with anger and have your child practice as much as possible.

There are 5 important parts to teaching anger management. They are:

Practice a substitute behavior. You and your child should practice a new behavior to use when he is getting angry. Some ideas include counting, counting backwards, picturing in his mind a peaceful scene or a stop sign, or blowing pretend bubbles. Blowing pretend bubbles is a good one to start with because it is so easy and encourages your child to take long, slow breaths. You can practice blowing real bubbles (using a bubble solution) and imaginary bubbles (pretending you are blowing bubbles by holding your hand up to your mouth as though it were the bubble wand). Encourage your child to use the new behavior the instant he begins to feel frustrated or upset. Find a time each evening when you and your child can practice for about 2 to 3 minutes.
Reward. Sit down and make a list of rewards that he can earn by practicing the behavior every day and when using the new behavior to avoid feeling frustrated or angry. Don't skip the rewards - rewards are essential to the success of anger management in children.
Give examples. Tell your child about times when you have dealt effectively with your own stress. Tell your child what you do to control your anger as an example of what your child could do in a similar situation. It is also important that your child see you successfully deal with your own anger.
Encourage using the new behavior. When your child starts to get upset, remind him or her to practice the agreed upon behavior. The sooner you prompt your child, the easier it will be for him to try it. If you wait until your child loses control, the exercises probably will not help. Only tell your child once.
Avoid arguments and correct him consistently. Don't argue with your child. Everybody loses when there is an argument. Don't let yourself get drawn into negotiations. You need to set a good example and deal with your child in a quiet, calm manner. When you need to discipline your child, try to use your normal method of discipline (for example, time-outs). Don't suddenly change your method because you are angry or because you don't want your child to get angry.

Because these skills are hard to learn, and they are so very important, practice them with your child every day for a few months. And, remember, the sooner a child notices that he or she is starting to get angry, the easier it is to do the exercises and the more effective the exercises will be.

The more you work on teaching these skills and the less you have to do with your child when he is angry, the faster your child will learn to deal with his own anger. Once a child has learned to deal with his anger, he won't need as much help with it.

Disclaimer: This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information provided is intended to be informative and educational and is not a replacement for professional medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.

HIA File CHL3788F.HTM Release 9.0/2006