Disciplining your child is the first real step toward teaching him or her about the rules of life. We do not always get our way and we cannot do everything we want to do.
There are limits to what we can do and where we can do it and there are limits to what is okay. Children need to have a clear understanding of these limits. They also need to know that there are consequences for their behavior. For example, a child needs to learn that throwing a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant is not okay. They need to be told to stop the tantrum or they will be taken outside, or into the car, or home. Parents must follow through with what was said.
When a child learns that parents mean what they say, the child will learn to behave as expected. If a parent is not consistent, children will learn to ignore what is said. That is why it is important for parents to set very clear limits and expectations and be consistent in enforcing them.
Children need to learn that they are responsible for their actions. They have the ability to control their actions. But sometimes parents need to give them alternative actions from which to choose. For example, if a child angrily throws down a toy, shouting, "This never works right," ask the child what happened. Suggest other toys, show them how the toy works, or teach them to ask for help when they need it.
Always address the child's behavior, not the child. Say, "Spitting is a behavior that is not allowed." Do not tell children that they are bad for spitting. Tell them what they do right. Try to reward their positive behavior. For example, when a child goes outside to play with his or her ball, a parent can say, "I like the way you know to play ball outside." Positive feedback is the best way to reinforce good behavior.
Let kids know that it is okay to feel angry, and the best way to deal with anger is to express how mad they are with words. Parents who slap, hit, or spank their child send the message that they approve of physical ways of expressing anger.
If you have questions about discipline, talk with a family counselor.
Disclaimer: This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information provided is intended to be informative and educational and is not a replacement for professional medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.
HIA File FMY4313F.HTM Release 9.0/2006
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