DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT

Disciplining your child is the first real step toward teaching him about the rules of life: we don't always get our way and we can't do everything we want to do.

There are limits to what we can do and where we can do it. There are limits to what is acceptable behavior. Children need to have a clear understanding of these limits, or boundaries. They also need to know that there are consequences for their behavior. For example, a child needs to learn that throwing a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant is not appropriate behavior. They need to be told, as they start their tantrum, to stop or they will be taken outside, or into the car, or home. The really hard part comes next. Parents have to follow through and take them out of the restaurant, or to the car, or home.

When a child learns that parents mean what they say, the child will learn to behave as expected. If a parent is inconsistent, children will learn that what is said does not really count. That is why it is important for parents to set very clear limits and expectations and be consistent in enforcing them.

Children need to learn that they are responsible for their actions. They have the ability to control their actions. But sometimes parents need to give them alternative actions from which to chose. If a child angrily throws down a toy, shouting, "This never works right," parents can help. Ask the child what happened. Suggest other choices, show them other ways to do it, or teach them to ask for help when they need it.

When dealing with discipline, always address the child's behavior, not the child. Say, "Spitting is a behavior that is not allowed." Do not tell them that they are bad for spitting. Tell them what they do right, not what they do wrong. Try to reward their positive behavior. For example, when a child has been going outside to play with his or her ball, a parent can say: "I like the way you know to play ball outside." Positive feedback is the best way to reinforce good behavior.

Let kids know that it is okay to feel angry, and the best way to deal with anger is to express how mad they are with words. Parents who slap, hit, or spank their child send the message that they approve of aggressive behavior as a solution to anger.

If you have questions about discipline, talk with your healthcare provider or a family counselor.

Disclaimer: This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information provided is intended to be informative and educational and is not a replacement for professional medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.

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